Francis Mooky Duke Williams »

Mooky grinned. “Best job I never applied for.”

“It comes with a lifetime supply of harmonica reeds and a coupon for free gravy at the Waffle House.”

“Are you Francis Mooky Duke Williams?” the creature demanded, dripping ink onto the linoleum. francis mooky duke williams

The note was not beautiful. It was ancient. It sounded like a screen door slamming in a haunted mansion. It smelled like ozone and burnt sugar. The solar flare hit. For one terrible, glorious second, every pigeon in Georgia turned into a tiny abacus. Then—pop—reality snapped back into place.

The Memetic Auditor explained the stakes: unless Mooky could perform the “Reverse Shriek of Temporal Rectification” from the roof of the Piggly Wiggly during the next solar flare, reality would fold into a pretzel. Worse, that pretzel would be owned by a sentient hedge fund from Dimension 404, which planned to sell it back to humanity in installments. Mooky grinned

He lived in a rusted Airstream trailer parked on the outskirts of Mulberry, Georgia, a town so small that the water tower had a stutter. By trade, Mooky was an unlicensed interdimensional handyman. By passion, he was a competitive yodeler. By accident, he had just saved the world.

Prittle tipped its soggy hat. “Well done, Francis Mooky Duke Williams. You are officially a Level Seven Reality Janitor.” It was ancient

Francis Mooky Duke Williams—known to most as “Mooky,” to his mother as Francis, and to the IRS as a delightful headache—was a man who believed that any problem could be solved with a bucket of fried chicken, a harmonica in the key of C, and a complete disregard for the laws of physics.