--- Shahd Fylm Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging 2008 Mtrjm Guide

Status: Dying of humiliation. Again.

We assembled in the Shed of Solitude (it’s just a garden shed with fairy lights and an old trampoline mat). Jas immediately said, “Georgia, you can’t force a perfect snog. It has to happen organically, like a yoghurt.”

So I texted the Ace Gang.

Subject: MTRJM Message: EMERGENCY. SNOGGING CRISIS. Meet in my shed in 10. Bring lip gloss and honesty.

Then Jas, who is secretly a genius disguised as a girl who collects ceramic frogs, said: “What if we reverse-engineer it? We spy on couples who are good snoggers and take notes.” --- shahd fylm Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging 2008 mtrjm

It all started because I, Georgia Nicolson (14, fabulous nose, tragic personality) decided I needed to perfect The Snog. Not just any snog—the Perfect Snog . The kind where time stops and your knees actually turn to mashed potato. The kind Robbie the Sex God probably gives out like party favors.

Rosie suggested practicing on a sausage roll. Ellen suggested hypnotism. I suggested they were all useless. Status: Dying of humiliation

Right. Listen. My life is officially over. More over than Mum’s attempt to serve “gourmet” cat-food pâté on crackers for Dad’s work do.